I feel broken.
Every part of my body is sore. Every night I go to bed groaning because little movements (even yawning!) trigger my aching muscles. The other day my butt cheeks were super sore and I wasn’t even sure how it got to be in that state. While waiting for the bus, I even used the hand rails to massage my rear end. It was heavenly for 2 minutes.
I see my pole sisters covered in pole kisses and patches almost as if that’s their default state now – like stripes on a tiger. They’re all working so hard. Challenging themselves to the limit both physically and mentally. Just when we think we have reached our limit and cry out “I can’t!” we do it one more time proving to ourselves that we are limitless.
Struggles! Groans! Pain! Why?!
Because we love it. And we keep coming back for more. The next time even harder and fiercer.
Someone once told me that after women give birth a hormone gets released that makes them forget about all the pain they just endured and makes them want to have another one. Maybe that’s what happens to us to. Because even when the pole has beaten us up we go back in the next day ready to do it all over. And the next day we come back even better than before. We must be a special breed of human. Forgoing comfort and clear skin for aching muscles and gnarly bruises. As my teacher said, “Poling aint easy.” And we are the type of people who don’t want easy.
So we may feel broken. But pole makes us whole.
Halloween is just a few short days away, and things aren’t exactly what they seem. Particularly when it comes to my cat. I’ve noticed him staring at my pole. Lounging with my Pleasers. Eyeing my drawer of pole clothes. I shake my head and tell myself it’s not possible. That everything pole related I’ve noticed lately is purely coincidence. That he’s just a cat, and cats don’t pole dance.
Or do they?
But when the photos came, I couldn’t find a single one that I liked. My costume was too big, and I showed. My stomach looked flabby. My hair was a mess. I didn’t hold some tricks nearly as long enough as I had thought, and those I had held weren’t really aimed at the audience. So, I had a good cry, shut my laptop, and decided to look back at them another day.