As a pole dancer we make a lot of faces. Sexy faces. Beautiful faces. Expressive faces. Comedic faces. Or we at least try to make these faces. Because more often than not, we’re not making the faces that we want to make but rather a series and/or combination of the faces below:
the OUCH face
- Symptoms: Yelling, grimaced face
- Cause: Pain, pain and oh yeah, more pain.
- Moves: First time moves in juicy spots you never thought could be used to hold the pole – armpits, sides of tummy, hips, and knee pits – I’M LOOKING AT YOU! Things where your body is wrapped around the pole like a shish kebab. Remember that first time you tried the Allegra? Oh that painful m*thaf*ka.
the GRRRRR face
- Symptoms: Furrowed brows, gritted teeth, closed eyes
- Cause: Struggle, determination
- Moves: Anything usually strength based that requires intense effort and really “not giving up” such as deadlifting. Looking back at videos, I always without fail make the GRRRRR face whenever I deadlift. It’s almost like instinct.
- Symptoms: Screaming, flailing hands, wide open eyes, raised eyebrows.
- Cause: Fear
- Moves: Anything where you feel like your life will be in danger (thank goodness you have someone spotting you right?) Usually this involves moves where your head is below your body because of course everyone’s fear is landing on their head. Flips, flips and oh yeah more flips. Who hasn’t done an AHHHHHH! face when they first started the fonji?
- Symptoms: Slightly down turned mouth, crinkling of forehead between eyes.
- Cause: Confusion
- Moves: Usually something that looks complex and requires some sort of coordination and you’re just like WTF and ask “Can I see that one more time?” Or when your teacher tells you to do your other side…but how?!
Symptoms: Shortness of breath, tongue sticking out, sweat, red face and extreme cases results in collapsing on the floor arms and legs wide.
- Cause: Fatique, tiredness
Moves: Run throughs of routines, conditioning drills and sometimes even the last minute of freestyling at the end of class result in the SIGH face. Pole dancing can be hard man.
Symptoms: Big ass smile, screaming with joy, blissful smile
Cause: Happiness, excitement
Moves: This is a universal face that happens whenever you accomplish a move that you’ve been struggling with forever. Past faces might have included all the above, but not this time – because this time you nailed it and it’s a YAAASSSSS face.
Halloween is just a few short days away, and things aren’t exactly what they seem. Particularly when it comes to my cat. I’ve noticed him staring at my pole. Lounging with my Pleasers. Eyeing my drawer of pole clothes. I shake my head and tell myself it’s not possible. That everything pole related I’ve noticed lately is purely coincidence. That he’s just a cat, and cats don’t pole dance.
Or do they?
But when the photos came, I couldn’t find a single one that I liked. My costume was too big, and I showed. My stomach looked flabby. My hair was a mess. I didn’t hold some tricks nearly as long enough as I had thought, and those I had held weren’t really aimed at the audience. So, I had a good cry, shut my laptop, and decided to look back at them another day.