Written by Cori Reski
It’s spooky season. Halloween is just a few short days away, and things aren’t exactly what they seem. Particularly when it comes to my cat. I’ve noticed him staring at my pole. Lounging with my Pleasers. Eyeing my drawer of pole clothes. I shake my head and tell myself it’s not possible. That everything pole related I’ve noticed lately is purely coincidence. That he’s just a cat, and cats don’t pole dance.
Or do they?
Here’s how to tell if your cat is a secret pole dancer:
1. They’re Flexible. Like Hind-Leg-Wrapped-Around-Their-Head Flexible
Does your cat have contortion-like abilities? You might just think this is common in all cats. But watch your cat. Really watch him. A pole dancing feline will be thoughtful in his flexibility. Is he contorting to the beat of a song? Is there a hint of flair behind his flexy moves? Does it seem like maybe your cat is showing off a little with his extreme flexibility, especially when you’re on the ground struggling to get into a similar pose? If so, your cat might be a pole dancer.
2. They’re Incredibly Strong
Okay so most cats are strong. But pay close attention to where your cat’s strength is most prominent and how your cat uses that strength. A secret pole dancing cat will possess arm muscles no ordinary cat would have any business having. For instance, the other day, I witnessed my cat deadlift himself up onto his cat tower, arm muscles bulging. There’s no other way to explain those kinds of arm muscles, except to assume he’s been practicing pole.
3. You Catch Them Practicing Floorwork and/or Stretching
A pole dancing feline will be constantly working on improving their flexibility and their slinky floor-work abilities. Last week, I left my yoga mat on the floor unattended. When I returned, I caught my cat on the mat in a rather impressive Downward Dog. Several days after that, I found him by my pole. Facing the mirror, his legs were splayed wide. He was clearly working on his low-flow.
4. They Watch You While You Pole
A pole dancing cat will be interested in what you do on the pole. Have you ever noticed your cat watching you while your train? Like really watching? Like maybe they’re trying to learn what it is you’re doing so that they can duplicate it later? If the answer is yes, guess what? Your cat is most likely a pole dancer.
5. They’ve Left Their Registration Form for a Pole Competition up on Your Laptop
If you open your laptop to find an unfinished registration form for a pole competition filled out with mostly meows and nonsensical words, your cat might be planning on bringing their skills to the stage. And if it’s reached this point, watch out. There’s no winning against a pole dancing kitty.
Cori Reski started her pole dance journey in 2016. Since then, she’s competed four times and performed in numerous showcases. When she’s not on the pole, Cori spends her time writing books for children and updating her cat’s Instagram page. Check out her instagram!
But when the photos came, I couldn’t find a single one that I liked. My costume was too big, and I showed. My stomach looked flabby. My hair was a mess. I didn’t hold some tricks nearly as long enough as I had thought, and those I had held weren’t really aimed at the audience. So, I had a good cry, shut my laptop, and decided to look back at them another day.