Oh pole dance hands! This post is dedicated to all the times after pole (or aerial!) where you look down at your hands and just think, “gross”. If you’re new to the pole/aerial world or you’ve been in the game for a while we can all lament a few of these facts:
Permanent Callouses as Tough as an Armadillo
While they may not look or feel very nice, calluses are secretly a pole dancers best friend! We do a lot of crazy things with our hands and need a hard layer of protection from ripping our skin off. It may be SOO SOO tempting to pick at your calluses(I’m guilty of it all the time), but think long term over short term pleasure! Breaking those calluses is painful and it’s gonna keep you out of commission on the pole for a while.
Rethink that Manicure
Maybe it’s just me and my genetic clumsiness, but nails and pole are no good. It’s hard for me to keep beautifully painted nails from chipping off the pole so just imagine how they look after pole. Longer nails can especially get in the way. One time I was doing some sort of pole transition involving an inside leg hang and my mighty calves was on top of my hands resulting in this below. My nails weren’t even that long!
Blisters and Blisters that POP
All that friction on your hands (especially during spins) are gonna at one point or another cause some yummy blisters. Blisters aren’t too bad themselves and they’re kinda fun to poke at, but the real danger lies in that they could burst at any moment! The juicier the blister, the more likely it’s gonna pop. And when they pop you better get some bandages on that bad boy because that’s just raw skin being exposed.
Too Dry yet Too Slippery
One of the most annoying things when it comes to my pole dancing hands are when they’re in this weird state of being too dry yet too slippery. It’s a never ending cycle. We use grip aid to not slip from the pole but then it makes our hands too dry that we start slipping off the pole so we put more grip aid which makes it even drier and so on and so forth. What I really need to do is just lotion my hands because too dry (and too sweaty) results in slippage. But I can’t use lotion when I’m poling But then it’s that question of, “What lotion will be okay?” And, “Dammit I should have moisturized the night before.” Oh dilemmas.
Your Hands Can Bruise Too?
When you first start pole you feel the bruising on your feet and legs the most. All those simple climbs and fireman spins are new to your soft feet and ankles. Once you really start getting into some more advanced static spin moves you start to realize that your hands can bruise too, especially on your inner wrist! All that friction and (sometimes banging) can create a lovely blue patch on your hands.
Your Hands will be Rougher and Tougher than your Boyfriends
Unless your boo does a lot of handy work, there’s a high high possibility that your hands will be rougher and tougher than your boyfriends. My boyfriends hands, compared to mine, feels like a smooth baby’s butt. It doesn’t really make me feel masculine, it just makes me feel like a poler.
TFW… You Finally Wash Your Hands After Using All That Grip Aid
You know that feeling…
Halloween is just a few short days away, and things aren’t exactly what they seem. Particularly when it comes to my cat. I’ve noticed him staring at my pole. Lounging with my Pleasers. Eyeing my drawer of pole clothes. I shake my head and tell myself it’s not possible. That everything pole related I’ve noticed lately is purely coincidence. That he’s just a cat, and cats don’t pole dance.
Or do they?
But when the photos came, I couldn’t find a single one that I liked. My costume was too big, and I showed. My stomach looked flabby. My hair was a mess. I didn’t hold some tricks nearly as long enough as I had thought, and those I had held weren’t really aimed at the audience. So, I had a good cry, shut my laptop, and decided to look back at them another day.